Category: Selling Yourself Wholesale
As you get ready to settle into your weekend, I want you to take some time for menu planning for next week. I know take-out is quick and convenient but with oversized portions and unknown ingredients, it’s not so great for your wallet or your waistline!
Try to bring lunch from home 4 out of 5 days next week. With some grocery store initiative and a little bit of Sunday prep, you can do this!
Avoid the pre-packaged items, and focus on simple, nutrient-rich whole foods. It doesn’t have to be hum-drum! With drive-up, drop-off, and on-the-fly grocery services, the ideas for dressing up your meals are endless!
For example, you can get a whole fried turkey mailed directly to you for a little more than $100!
If you are more of a DIY’er, you could also just buy a whole turkey at the grocery store, and purchase one of these bad boys this weekend, and boom! You’ve got meals for the entire week!
Okay, now we’ve got food covered for the week, I also want to remind you to stop reaching for those sugar-sweetened (or even worse the artificially-sweetened!) beverages. Those should have no place in anyone’s diet.
But, I get it, water gets boring. Fortunately for you, there is a multitude of options to have kegs of beer delivered right to your door!
If you start consuming your fermented drinks by the barrel, there are deep savings to be made! According to one source that I completely did not verify or make any sort of effort to confirm, the average beer drinker can save 40–60% by buying kegs instead of cans or bottles! You can recoup the cost of a kegerator in as little as ten barrels! What is that, like less than 6 months??? Act now, and don’t forget to invest those savings into your #crypto account!
Then pour yourself another draft, sit back, and stay loose!
Become a Certified Human and Humanoids Appraiser
Are you looking for a fun new career, with great pay*, great friends, flexible hours, and minimal out-of-pocket upfront cost? Consider becoming a certified human and humanoids appraiser!
Our family is growing and we are always looking for new talent. Fill out the quick and easy form below, and we will be in touch soon to see if this field is right for you!
*base salary will be paid in units of virtual perfidy emoticons, which our legal team has asked us to clarify is not the same thing as digital currency or promissory notes, and may not be recognized by your regular financial institution and cannot be used as legal tender for debts public or private.
Do you qualify?
Am I searching for armpit fat? Yes, yes I am. Isn’t everyone?
I can only assume Google is suggesting I am going to love the idea of a workout to put some more padding to my underarms.
Accepting your agony questions on any subject, and maybe I will write an answer post. Submit your question using this form below (I won’t use any names or email addresses in the post. In spite of what I say, it is never my goal to make anyone other than me the butt of a joke). Also, don’t send me pictures of butts.
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You probably remember the late 1980’s when Joan Collins tried to teach us we needed shoulder pads to look and feel tough. But there’s a better, sleeker, modern way to tell the world not to fuck with you, balance out your shoulder- to-hip ratio, and channel your inner Audrey Hepburn!
Tell the world you’re classy and packing, and that you won’t be meeting them for breakfast. Breakfast is for weaklings.
Over the next few weeks, we will cover “staging,” and your personal brand, as well as how to increase your social media presence, but for now, let’s open another bottle of wine and focus on the low hanging fruit.
Seriously, you are going to need to pretend to have interests. Dieting and watching The Real Housewives don’t count.
You could start with the usuals
#Learning the pros and cons of kitchen tiling (but more than just watching HGTV)
#Find and discuss your Myers Briggs personality type. People are very interested!
Or you could use this personal development time to dip your toes into the easy money income streams known as Multi-Level Marketing!
Seriously, people love hearing about your new side hustle, they love being invited to these sorts of events, and they love being recruited to get down in the sales trenches with you!
They love being tricked into going to sales pitches at your house when they think they are showing up for movie night, and they reallllllllly love meeting in conference rooms early Saturday mornings to support your new business venture at midrange hotels near the airport.
Also, as a guest at a Tupperware party in 2004, I nearly got the lights punched out of me. But that’s a story for another time. Let’s just say it’s not always as formulaic as those profit charts might have you think!
Just make sure you don’t squander this opportunity for finding a niche to give you some je nais se que! The sky is the limit! Learn how to carve soap, eat competitively, or file lawsuits recreationally.
I recommend starting some inspiration boards. I like Pinterest because it is an easy, fun way to keep track of your lies and meet new friends who share your feigned interests!
Wikihow, Youtube, amateur message board experts, and I will all be with you every step of the way! Seriously, we are rooting for you!
For Office Use Only:
Score __________ Overall 3 points Flawless 2 Points Minor scratches 1 Point Moderate chips, dents, or surface rust 0 Points Damaged, major dents, paint flaws, missing parts, or major rust Score __________ Medical 3 points Current, complete, appears much younger than stated age 2 Points Current, incomplete, appears consistent with stated age 1 Point Overdue, no records, unvaccinated, appears much older than stated age, or annual medical deductible not met 0 Points True mileage unknown or defective odometer Score __________ Interview and summary of personal/professional documents and titles 3 points Consistent, all or mostly truthful 2 Points Somewhat truthful, vague or evasive when pressed for details 1 Point Clearly lying and/or inebriated 0 Points Uncooperative, incoherent, or comatose Score __________ Body Work 3 points None 2 Points Minor cosmetic paint 1 Point Some dent removal or touch ups 0 Points Significant amount of paint and/or body work Score __________ Integumentary 3 points Clean/like new 2 Points Minimal wear 1 Point Stained/faded/worn 0 Points Torn/burned/cracked/missing Score __________ Odor 3 points None 2 Points Faint 1 Point Obvious 0 Points Suspect decomposition present Score __________ Interior 3 points Fully functional 2 Points Functional with minor fault(s) 1 Point Repairs needed 0 Points Salvage/parts only Subtotal __________ ________ Subtotal from Section 1 _______ Marital Status (2 Clean title, 1 Rental, commercial, 0 Salvage, rebuilt
salvage, flood, etc.)
_______ +1 Rechargeable batteries _______ +1 Toilet trained ________ Credit Score _________ Checking account balance _______ -1 Dietary restrictions _______ Subtract number of ICD 10 diagnosis codes _______________ TOTAL * 1 US dollar Subtotal 2 ______________ Subtotal 2 * US Dollar Index _______________ cryptocurrency exchange = BITCOIN BMI
Incomplete/More information Required:
Keep a food journal and write down what other people eat. Remind them later when they open a bag of chips that they already ate three cookies.