Tag: whole body
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Coming Soon! Estate Planning: Picking a Hill to Die On
Also known as pissing off your family from beyond the grave
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Feeding Your Parasites
Rule 1: Hydrate Slimming Hydration Recipe Prep time: minimal, though it will need a few days to steep so plan accordingly Cost: $$ key components can already be found in your bathroom cabinet, but pick up some Grade A dark maple syrup and a bag of organic lemons the next time you are at the store. Results? oh, yes! Fill a tall glass full of sparkling, refreshing water and dip your toothbrush in it. Place it on your nightstand and let sit for 2-3 days. After a few days, add in 4 tablespoons of maple syrup. If there's one thing I've read about the ecosystem living inside you is that these mf'ers love sugar! By day five, your drink should be brimming with disgusting, healthy bacteria. Place in some freshly squeezed lemon juice. Gulp it down quickly to feed your little stomach monsters, those guys are hungry!
You’ll thank me later.
Bottoms up!
PS this is not real, do not actually try this okay?
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Bitcoin BMI Appraisal Form
For Office Use Only:
Score __________ Overall 3 points Flawless 2 Points Minor scratches 1 Point Moderate chips, dents, or surface rust 0 Points Damaged, major dents, paint flaws, missing parts, or major rust Score __________ Medical 3 points Current, complete, appears much younger than stated age 2 Points Current, incomplete, appears consistent with stated age 1 Point Overdue, no records, unvaccinated, appears much older than stated age, or annual medical deductible not met 0 Points True mileage unknown or defective odometer Score __________ Interview and summary of personal/professional documents and titles 3 points Consistent, all or mostly truthful 2 Points Somewhat truthful, vague or evasive when pressed for details 1 Point Clearly lying and/or inebriated 0 Points Uncooperative, incoherent, or comatose Score __________ Body Work 3 points None 2 Points Minor cosmetic paint 1 Point Some dent removal or touch ups 0 Points Significant amount of paint and/or body work Score __________ Integumentary 3 points Clean/like new 2 Points Minimal wear 1 Point Stained/faded/worn 0 Points Torn/burned/cracked/missing Score __________ Odor 3 points None 2 Points Faint 1 Point Obvious 0 Points Suspect decomposition present Score __________ Interior 3 points Fully functional 2 Points Functional with minor fault(s) 1 Point Repairs needed 0 Points Salvage/parts only Subtotal __________ ________ Subtotal from Section 1 _______ Marital Status (2 Clean title, 1 Rental, commercial, 0 Salvage, rebuilt
salvage, flood, etc.)_______ +1 Rechargeable batteries _______ +1 Toilet trained ________ Credit Score _________ Checking account balance _______ -1 Dietary restrictions _______ Subtract number of ICD 10 diagnosis codes _______________ TOTAL * 1 US dollar Subtotal 2 ______________ Subtotal 2 * US Dollar Index _______________ cryptocurrency exchange = BITCOIN BMI Subject Cleared:
Subject Rejected:
Incomplete/More information Required:
…Please check evaluation subject against safety recall lists
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Working Out in Jean Shorts
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Scope &
Horror
Shape Your Body like it is 1992 and Radu is your personal trainer. You are wearing jean shorts. He is wearing wind pants. No tradesies.
No excuses. Everyone has ten minutes.
NEXT: Am I an Apple or Mayor McCheese? Scope & Horror
dedicated to votaries of the absurd, beautiful, miserable, and suspicious
2022
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